DVD review: The Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

In a small Texas town, the peaceful atmosphere is shattered when a beautiful young woman is the victim of a savage sexual assault by a gang of construction workers. Shortly after this horrific event, a masked killer begins a blood-drenched killing spree with the help of a pneumatic nail gun. Victims are nailed to trees! Lovers caught in the heat of passion are nailed to each other! Is anyone safe from this gleeful psychopath’s murderous mission? As the increasingly mutilated bodies begin to pile up, a local sheriff and the town doctor begin an investigation to solve the deadly crimes before the Nail Gun Killer finishes his gruesome masterpiece of industrial strength horror! Will they be able to stop this wisecracking madman in time, or will they be the last unlucky souls to get nailed? The Nail Gun Massacre is written and directed by Terry Lofton and co-directed by Bill Leslie. The acting is just atrociously bad. Some thoroughly bad dialogue, the "witty" one-liners from the killer are pathetic and really annoying. The lack of continuity is stunning,  the killer appears to change shape and size each time he/she shows and the sheriffs badge manages to switch sides on his chest a couple of times. Another thing that annoys me is the killer (he/she) she in a strange, electronically modified voice that sounds utterly ridiculous. The camerawork and editing is decent  The audio is bad, it´s hard to hear what characters are saying. The soundtrack is freaking awful and seems to have a life of its own as it in several scenes just feels misplaced and plain wrong for the proceedings. There is weak gore, the make-up fx is hilariously bad, we get a very fake looking cut off hand and numerous of nails imbedded in flesh but it´s VERY evident that when we see those that they are made of rubber. The kills are lame and poorly staged and we see people either move or breathe after they been killed. There is gratuitous T & A in this, the absolute high point comes early in the flick courtesy of Staci Gordon provides gratuitous topless nudity as she is only wearing panties. The cameraman actually zooms in on her tits as she watches her reflection in a mirror. Yup, he zooms in on them and they fill the screen. There are several very unerotic sexscenes and the gang rape scene is quite possibly the lamest rape scene ever seen in flick like this.
This review is based upon the region all (Region 0) DVD release from Synapse Films.
Rating: 0½ out of 7. The Nail Gun Massacre fails as a horror movie, it fails as a comedy (Terry Lofton apparently intentionly decided to include some comedic elements as he realized that his flick didn´t work as a horror flick but I simply can't see anything funny or humorous as it is played straight and has a serious tone). It´s ineptly directed, poorly scripted and atrocious  acting. It isn´t even as bad that it becomes good instead it´s just tedius experience to sit through. On the positive side it delivers some sleaze, a ton of T & A (but the only the really good T & A is provided by Staci Gordon and that scene, although quite long, comes early in the flick) and a pretty cool looking killer but he/she would have been much cooler if shape and size would have been the same throughout the movie. I can´t really recommend this to anyone...

/JL